How To Know What You Want and How to Conquer Fear?

What do you want in life? Answer this first because unless you know what you want in this life, you cannot even begin to understand what to ask. Plenty of people don’t know what they want, or they wish much less that they deserve. 

First, you have to discover what you want. Second, you have to resolve that you deserve it. Third, you have to trust that you can get it. And fourth, you have to have the confidence to ask for it.

In the book, The Aladdin Factor, authored by Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen, they gave us seven tasks that we need to do to get what we want in life and how to confront and conquer the fear as we go about fulfilling our dreams one at a time.

To-Do #1: Make a List of 101 Wishes

It may take you several hours or days to complete, but this is the first and most crucial step to get what we want. Be as specific and detailed as possible. Before you can ask for what you want, we need to know what we want, and everything else will follow.

To-Do #2: Clarify Your Vision

Do not think about whether or not something is possible, but simply whether we want it. Reflect and visualize the ideal picture in each of your life’s different areas, write them down in detail. These are the things you now want to achieve in your life. Some you will be able to get right away. Some will require study and preparation. Some will require a concerted effort over many years.

• Marriage and love relationship
• Family and friends
• Home, apartment, or other living space
• Furnishing and possessions
• Car and other forms of transportation
• Clothes, jewelry, etc.
• Job and career
• Money and finances
• Achievements
• Health and physical fitness
• Recreation and free time
• Personal and spiritual growth
• Things that you want to accomplish for your community

To-Do #3: Complete The Perfect Day Fantasy

Find a cozy area to sit or lie down, play some music, close your eyes, and relax. Create your ideal day starting from the time you wake up in the morning until you retire for the night. And write it down.

To-Do #4: Complete the “I want” Process

The “I want” process is a fast and powerful way to reveal what you want. You relax by placing yourself back to the time that you are so relaxed. You let yourself get to the part of you without any barriers of fear, guilt, or limiting beliefs. And from this deep space in your heart, you answer the question,’ What do you want? You record your answers, review them, and you will find that the answers that come later are more truly what you. Commit your body and mind to do whatever it takes to get them.

To-Do #5: Stretch Your Imagination

Answering these sets of questions can further stimulate thinking about what you want in your life. Note down all the answers that you come up with in response to the following questions.

• What would you like to achieve most before you die?
• What do you want to own that you don’t own right now?
• What are you dissatisfied with within your primary relationship? In your relationship with your family? In your relationship at work?
• What is broken that you need to get fixed?
• What do you want and need from your spouse? Your best friend? Your parents? Your children? Your brothers or sisters? The people you work with, go to school with? Your next-door neighbor? The people in your group, in your church?
• Do you need time off? A vacation? A promotion? A raise? More instruction? More appreciation? More recognition? More support? Less stress? More understanding?
• Do you need more sleep? Better food? More time to play? Lose weight? To get fit? To stop smoking?
• Would you like to travel more? Go out more often? See more movies? Go to a concert? Play a sport?
• Would you like to speak a new language? Take a course? Attend a seminar? Learn to paint? Learn to play an instrument?
• What would you want to give to the world before you die? Solve problems in your community? Eradicate a problem? Help bring peace in the world?

To-Do #6: Visualize Your Dream

Visualize your desired outcome as already having been achieved or completed. Do this at least twice a day–when you first wake up in the morning and again before you go to bed. Make this a daily part of your daily routine. In the beginning, you may need to put little notes on your bathroom mirror to remind you, but after a while, it becomes natural and habitual as brushing your teeth.

To-Do #7: Create Your Dreams

Create a vision board representing your dreams and set it where you can see it every day several times throughout your day.

How to Conquer Our Fear

Fear is created by fantasized experiences appearing real. We have to remember to stay in the present, use our power of imagination to create positive pictures that will motivate us to be bold and clear. Have the awareness and intention. We are in charge, and we can conquer whatever stands in our way. Accept, precede with caution, but do not let your fears immobilize you into inaction.

It is crucial to accept and embrace our fears. They say what you resist will persist. So how do we conquer our fears?

1.Realize that you create all your fears

• Come back to the present.
• When in doubt, check it out.
• Imagine the desired outcome.

2. Analyze your fears

• What is the worst scenario that can happen?
• Could you survive it?
• Realize you haven’t really lost anything.
• What’s the best thing that could happen?
• What’s most likely to happen?
• Complete the second awareness process.

3.Use positive self-talk

• Use the law of replacement.
• Realize that everybody else is afraid too.

4. Feel the fear and do it anyway

• Just do it.
• Know how to confront your fears of looking foolish.

5. Built-up to big things slowly.

• Start slow with safe people.
• Remind yourself why you are asking.
• Overcome the fear of change – a little at a time.
• Understand why people resist change and growth.
• Give yourself permission to be awkward.
• Give yourself permission to be a learner.

6. Re-frame the meaning of rejection

• Remember, a “No” doesn’t mean anything about you.
• Don’t take “No” personally.

7. Remember — It’s a numbers game.

• Control your self-talk, challenge the voice of the ego, and choose more appropriate beliefs. One failure will not determine who I am or who I can become.
• The 25 Bean Technique

W. Clement Stone, a master at teaching salespeople how to overcome their fear of asking, gave his salespeople twenty-five navy beans and told them to put the navy beans into their left pants pocket. Whenever they made a sales call, they were to move one of the beans to their right pocket. They were not to quit until have moved all twenty-five beans from their left to their right pocket. This motivated them to keep going, handle rejection, and they learned that they would eventually get a yes.

• The secret formula of asking successfully.

Ask, ask, ask! Some people will answer you “yes,” and some will say “no.” Just keep on asking. You may receive a lot of no’s, but often, it only takes one yes to make your previous efforts worthwhile.

• Don’t wait for the perfect moment.
• Do the Evening Review Exercise.

Before you go to sleep, you review how your day went. Did you ask what you want and fulfill them? If not, why not, and what could be done to make things better?

• Oh, what the heck, go for it anyway!
• Getting unstuck

There are times that we feel down, and we need to pull ourselves out of the rut. But we do it anyway for we are worth it.

• Remember, most people want to give.
• If you can’t speak, write a letter.
• Focus on the other person’s needs.

In Summary

Once we know to ask, we now need to know what to ask for? We need to take the time out to sit down and write it all done. It has to be made physical, made tangible, and not just be mere words or thoughts. This is the first thing that we need to do to get what you truly want in life. Write to them and post it in a wall that you see as you go throughout your day. Look at that wall at least twice a day. Doing this will guide you and motivate you. Moreover, it lets you focus on what you want out of this life.

Source

Canfield, J & Hansen, M. (1995). The Aladdin Factor.The Berkley Publishing Group, New York, New York. p.63-120